Finding Her Way Read online

  "You are such a hard worker and I know that Andrew treats you poorly. He is constantly trying to find more work for you. You have already done so much. Please let me finish, like I used to at my Aunt's house. I'll block the door with a chair and do your chores like before."

  Angela could not hold back a girlish giggle and felt young again for a few minutes while she caught her breath and watched her dearest friend act like a clown around the room as she danced through the chore of hanging clothes and hats in the wardrobe.

  "Let me help too, Cori." Angela plopped on the ground and opened the first bag. Within a moment she tossed things across the room at Corinne. Catching each item with a flourish, Corinne had her vanity table full and they laughed and enjoyed a sweet moment together forgetting for a moment the roles they played with just being together.

  The bags now emptied and stuck on the top shelf of the wardrobe, they removed the chair from under the door handle and resumed all appearances of normalcy.

  "Angela, tell me again where your brother is. Did you get any more letters before we left Boston? I was so busy, as were you, before we left. We never had time to talk." Corinne settled into the chair and patted it for her friend to sit next to her.

  "Sean's last letter was months ago. He had been trapping near Snake River with a friend named Old Willie. He has no idea that I am going to be on this side of the world and I wonder how I will ever hear from him again. I do hope your Aunt forwards any letters I receive once we are settled. I have nightmares about her just throwing them out." Angela tried not to be concerned and took a deep breath to clear away sad thoughts. "I am so glad he is happy though. He longed so much to be free and wild. I just hope someday I will see him again. Like you and your father." Angela felt a tear slip without permission and quickly hugged her friend while the emotion overtakes her.

  Corinne hugged back and worried along with her. These were hard days of questions without answers. Corinne and Angela were traveling towards an unknown future and at the mercy of the men leading the way. Corinne was grateful to be on her way but felt a churning in her middle about what her role would be when the path to the West became more difficult.

  Chapter Four

  April 1848

  The days aboard the steamship were mostly spent indoors because according to Andrew Temple, 'A lady should never associate with the riffraff aboard such a vessel.' Corinne kept her opinion to herself and enjoyed many hours of cribbage and backgammon in her quarters with Angela. She wasn’t quite sure what her husband did with himself but twice a day he would drop into her room and make sure everything was as it should be. Corinne was always happy when he left, then felt guilty about it for at least an hour. Once every evening she was allowed into the elegant dining room for dinner and then a casual stroll on the top deck with Andrew. He rarely said anything and would soon deposit her to her quarters for the rest of the night. Corinne was grateful when Reggie came to the room on day twelve.

  "We are landing in the morning Mrs. Temple." Reggie was a man of few words but he always got straight to the point. "Tomorrow morning we will port at Independence, Missouri." Angela and Corinne reacted in a traditional girlish manner with squeals and embraced each other. Reggie left shaking his head.

  Corinne was thrilled and with a joyous abandon helped Angela that night with the packing of everything. Corinne was on the floor, elbow-deep in a bag of toiletries when Andrew knocked and entered before she could respond.

  "Mrs. Temple, what are you doing?"

  Corinne thought it was obvious but she managed to answer without smiling.

  "I’m packing toiletries, Mr. Temple. I hear we are landing tomorrow. I was too excited to sit still anymore." Corinne stood up and straightened her skirts. She wished he would go away but knew with a sinking feeling that the strange battle brewing between them was getting ready to surface.

  "I do recall that you have a lady’s maid. She is paid to handle these kinds of jobs. She is isn't she?" Andrew's tone crossed over into condescending with the ease of breathing.

  "Yes, Angela has been packing all evening." Corinne felt threatened, suddenly. He cannot harm Angela can he? Or take her away?

  Angela stood nearby holding on to Corinne's traveling suits that she has been brushing.

  "Sir, I am glad for the work. I do believe Corinne is just getting anxious." Angela smiled her little subservient smile and curtsied.

  "Miss Fahey, you are to call her Mrs. Temple at all times. You're on thin ice with me. Do not speak again unless I ask for you to speak!" Andrew's face turned a slight shade of pink but Angela never wavered, she nodded and resumed her work. Corinne was amazed, silenced and a little bit afraid.

  "Corinne, I would like to talk with you at breakfast about what is expected of you as a lady. As your husband, even just in name, I am your guardian and keeper. The disregard of your station and relationship to the staff has caused me some concern. We will discuss this before we disembark tomorrow. Goodnight." He delivered his speech then departed, leaving two upset females behind.

  "Angela, I don't know what to do. I have prayed and thought so much about our friendship and I know it's not wrong, but why..." Corinne was at a loss to finish her thought. She was so angry with Andrew and the world of rules that she could have fallen in despair right there. Angela with her sweet face surrounded by red gold curls came up to her and held her hand.

  "I know Corinne. I know. We must resume our jobs my dear friend. I think I know what he will do and we will not like it. We are going to be separated somehow. We must be careful to be indifferent to each other from now on. I know your friendship is strong and you know how I feel. No one else can know until we arrive at your father's home." Angela said gravely. It was one of the few times Corinne had ever seen her frowning.

  "Freedom as a woman doesn't come easy. Maybe in heaven it will be better." Corinne stated quietly. Her eyes now dry and heart determined itself to take life as it came. She desperately wanted to put up a wall against her husband and maybe even men, in general. She fought it down like a bitter elixir then found peace. Her prayers that night were long and pitted with a young heart’s questions about how to handle her husband and also purging her own guilt over a few unforgiving thoughts she had thrown his way.

  The next morning Angela found herself in the midst of a lecture after her early morning fire duties. She usually kept herself awake with sewing projects by the fire. She tried to think positive that at least she was warm, even if sleep was elusive.

  "Miss Fahey!" Andrew's tone was curt and intimidating. "Your behavior is bordering on incorrigible. I can only guess lack of breeding has to be the case that will allow you to feel you can address Mrs. Temple as your equal. If you want to keep your position I expect you to work harder and behave more appropriately." He saw her nod, turned, and walked away.

  Angela stood still and let the emotions wash over her. She feared it would be worse. She thought she was going to be left behind. She needed this job to help her into her new life. Corinne was an amazing friend and had promised to help her reconnect with her only surviving family. Sean, her spirited brother, was out West. She had to find him. Her friendship had nearly cost her the dream. She swallowed her fearful tears and got back to work. Corinne had to be awakened. Cori was certain to get her own lecture this morning.

  Corinne handled herself gracefully through a long painful lecture.

  She would not see her friend abused or hurt in any way. Legally, Andrew was her husband and Angela belonged to him and could easily be fired.

  The breakfast was served after the 'meeting' and was eaten in an emotionally frozen state and no one spoke except for Reggie who also seemed on edge. He asked a few questions and they all pertained to the arrival on shore in Independence and succeeded as a distraction for Corinne's mind.

  One more lecture and my head might pop. Corinne wondered if there would ever be a day in her life when she felt free to be herself without a rulebook being opened in her face.

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; She didn't lie or cheat; she had never been immodest and had always tried to be open and kind to people. Corinne believed in God and genuinely loved helping people and learning about the world around her. What in the world was wrong with her that people in authority over her always wanted her to change and be like them? Corinne nibbled on her breakfast while contemplating her troubles.

  Chapter Five

  Independence, Missouri - April 10 1848

  Corinne's shoes made a hallow thump down the bridge connecting the steamship to the shore. She felt like a child again as her brown eyes took in the surroundings. She reached the land and felt it’s steadiness. It felt good. She was now in the West, well the start of it anyway. The great river was crossed and she suddenly realized her childhood was over. She wasn’t sure why she felt that way now. She'd been married for over a month but the journey had turned in her mind. In all the awkward moments of silence she learned to talk to her Maker. God's Peace was settling in her. It kept her moving forward when she wanted to hide from the scary new challenges she faced.

  The world bustled around her in a flurry and with a tempo of another world. The weather was beautiful and the sun shone down on the wagons and shops that lined the streets of Independence. Horses, oxen and mules were in corrals wherever there wasn’t a building. The city was growing but in that haphazard way of a boomtown. There wasn’t much structure just a lot of madness. Corinne wanted desperately to talk with someone about all she could see but knew it was impossible. She sighed and continued to watch her surroundings.

  She felt herself being led by her husband as he barked orders to everyone around him. Corinne was silent and observant. There were vendors standing next to the dock screaming over each other about animals, wagons and foodstuffs. It reminded Corinne of an orchestra warming up, a beautiful noise.

  Andrew and his all-important list led them to a hotel where Corinne and Angela would stay for one night. Reggie and Andrew were gone for the rest of the day. The many trunks, bags and items all had to be loaded somewhere and the wagon outfit would have to be assembled.

  Corinne was too anxious to sleep knowing within days they would be on the open road and traveling the same path as her father did just three years ago. She knew his road had been more difficult. Trail blazing was hard work with many unknown variables, which mountain path to take, what part of the river was safe to cross? There were maps now that gave more clues on the safest passages. She tried to keep trail horror stories out of her mind. She was in God's hands now.

  "The forts along the trail were now better prepared with supplies, although very expensive." Andrew told her earlier when she has been open about her fears. She made conversation and sometimes it went well. She started to get a sense about when she could talk and when to stay silent. Reading his moods was her new profession. She found that he responded better if she asked about things that interested him. He liked instructing her, she reasoned. He rarely looked at her while he did it though. He kept an impassive face and his lips pressed together tightly whenever he was annoyed with her speaking. He was still very impersonal.

  * * * * *

  Without an audience Corinne and Angela had a chance to talk, the strain of the morning was gone soon after, and they enjoyed talking about their experiences. They were both impressed by the downtown area of Independence and even the hotel was bigger than they both expected.

  Angela and Corinne finally slept. They woke early with the morning sun bright in the window, dressed, and tidied the room, anxious for a long day of hard work and preparations. A knock at the door came at 7:30 am and Angela answered. Andrew was at the door frowning.

  "I expected to be cross, but you are both ready. Wonderful." He let out a deep breath, like he had been prepared to yell then changed his mind. He kept talking without looking at Angela now. "We have our wagons and teams at the west end of town. I have found everything we need here. Reggie will escort you ladies after you eat breakfast downstairs in the dining room. It will be your last meal sitting at a table for a long while." Andrew was actually smiling. He seemed even a little happy. Corinne was surprised. Angela and Reggie carried the little bit of luggage downstairs to be loaded on a wagon to be taken to the staging area. They worked well together with as little communication as possible. The way Andrew liked it.

  * * * * *

  The dining room wasn’t fancy but the food was good and filling. Corinne had a million questions and finally could not hold them anymore.

  "Reggie, how many wagons do we have?" Corinne tried to use her friendly smile to win him over.

  "You will be in the main wagon. We hired a Cookie and he will have his own chuck wagon. He was a grump but his cooking last night was good. Andrew and I will be the third wagon. Angela, I think you will be traveling with the chuck wagon."

  "The chuck wagon! She is my maid and traveling companion. What a pompous, insensitive..." Corinne was sure if Andrew had been nearby she would have thrown her fork at him. She calmed herself quickly though. Having a tantrum today would not help anyone. Two cleansing breaths, a silent prayer and she found her calm voice. "Reggie, you will make sure she is safe? Impropriety or not I treat my staff like family. I will not tolerate anyone getting unnecessarily hurt on my watch." Corinne swallowed and was bold for another second. "Andrew may be your boss but I also have some fears about this journey. His concern or lack of it about certain people is causing me more than my fair share of stress; I do hope that we can be friends Reggie. The intimacy of travel dictates that we all should be on the same team. Feel free to be open and communicate with me and your reward from me will be generous." Corinne saw the respect grow in Reggie's eyes and his walls came down gradually.

  "I agree wholeheartedly, Mrs. Temple. I appreciate your frankness and pledge to you I will keep you and your companion safe. I have the greatest respect for your sincerity. I will not take advantage of that." Reggie blushed a little and nodded respectfully. Corinne could see the humanity in him and was glad she has been bold. She may be a mouse around her husband but she still had some fire inside. She hoped it would not get her into any more trouble. She nibbled her breakfast and found the silence calming. Her thoughts slowed down and she daydreamed pleasantly of Oregon and her father's home. She noticed a few minutes later everyone had cleaned their plates.

  "Well I say we go. I'm ready to get started. Reggie, lead the way." They stood together and began a half-mile walk to the wagon staging area. They passed all the stores in town. The early morning dew made the walk rather pleasant. No dust on the roads and the air was fresh like spring. A chill remained in the air and Corinne enjoyed the breeze on her cheeks. She thought of her father walking down this same street watching the wagons and animals go by, loading his wagons with flour and bacon and buying extra shirts for the journey. She wondered how his trip went. What sights did he see? Did they fight any Indians or did they trade for provisions?

  Corinne realized she was sharing something with him now. The journey across the wilderness could be the new starting place for them. Her own adventure was under way.

  Corinne was not prepared for the crammed staging area. Every inch was full of wagons, animals and bodies. The smell of all those things combined took a few moments to get used to. Both Angela and Corinne covered their noses for several minutes as they wound their way through the maze of humanity to their wagon outfit. The mood of everyone seemed excitable and rushed. When Reggie stopped Corinne and Angela they were pleasantly surprised. Their wagons were a beautiful golden brown and their gleaming white canvas bonnets were striking in contrast. The chuck wagon was shorter but had a gleaming sheet-iron cooking stove on the side. It was truly a great invention for cooking on the trail. A short, square-shouldered man was hustling in and around the chuck wagon and immediately Corinne and Angela went to introduce themselves.

  "Just call me Cookie, and stay out of my way. You can make requests but don't make a habit of it. I know my way around the chuck wagon and what's needed to survive on the trail. Mrs. Te
mple if you wanna make the coffee and campfire each mornin I can focus on the food." Cookie was done talking and headed back to his duties.

  "Absolutely, Cookie. Be glad to." She said loud enough for him to hear as he walked away. She turned to Angela. "At least I'll have something to do. I'm sure Andrew will truly think it most undignified for me to make breakfast when every other woman out here will be pulling their weight." Angela nodded but she was silent. Her face clouded over with emotion and something else. "Angela, are you feeling well?" Corinne said realizing for the first time that Angela has barely spoken today. She has been very distant. Corinne grabbed her friend by the shoulder and looked into her eyes. Her green eyes looked away and suddenly Corinne knew why. They dreamed of coming West together as friends, free to be themselves and help each other. Now Angela was under the power of someone else who may decide to leave her behind. Corinne had prepared for that by secreting enough money into Angela's things to start her own life should they get separated. Polite society's opinion mattered little now. Angela had enough rough breaks in her life. Being Corinne's friend shouldn't be looked back upon as one of them.

  * * * * *

  "Angela come to my wagon and see if you can help me get it organized." Corinne needed a private moment with her friend. They both made their way to Corinne's wagon. The wagon's rear flap was open and there were steps and handles for the short women to grab and pull their way up. The trunks and bags were laying about in no sense of order and within a minute they both were strategizing to make the best layout for a sleeping area. As they worked Corinne spoke softly.

  "Angela, one night several months ago, I had a nightmare that we got separated on the trail and you were stranded without money and friends. I woke up that morning with a resolve to take care of you as you have taken care of me. I know you are a hard worker and will never accept charity so I have devised a plan to help you." Corinne kept moving bags but stopped upon hearing a sniffle behind her. Angela had two fat tears running down her cheek. "Don't cry friend. God will watch out for us."