Finding Her Way Read online

  Corinne's luggage was loaded and she checked inside her handbag with a sweep of her hand. Everything was there, money, mints, small brown bottle of lavender, a pocket watch and a small sewing kit. She had plenty of money sewn into her clothing, hidden in her luggage, and stuffed into book pages. Andrew insisted that she needed for nothing and should not buy anything. Her mother taught her that a woman should always be prepared for the worst. A girl should have the means to support herself in case there was trouble.

  Corinne thought about the long days ahead. She longed to see her father again but almost dreaded it too. Three years was a long separation and she had changed a lot since her days on the ranch in Kentucky. His letter said he wanted to meet her in Oregon but would the disappointment still linger between us? It would be months before she would know. I should focus on getting the first part of the trip traveled successfully. Corinne told herself.

  It would take four weeks or more of train and coach rides to reach the Missouri river. Four weeks with a stranger. Corinne had no idea what she would discuss with Andrew but she would work on being friendly. I should try to stop being intimidated. Foolish girl!

  * * * * *

  Corinne stopped her inner dialogue and let the golden-haired Andrew lead her up the stairs in the traveling car. With a great blast the train whistle blew and the conductor yelled for the passengers to board. Andrew had her arm and helped her up the steps. She was very aware of his hand on her arm. She glanced his way briefly and he was looking at her distractedly. Maybe he was nervous about spending the long ride with a stranger, also. Do men get nervous too? She looked back at her feet but her grin was hard to hide.

  The train car was comfortable, with soft seats, a dining car and two separate rooms with beds. He arranged everything. He obviously got what he wanted. He acted like a force to be reckoned with. She tried not to think about the wifely expectations but was ready to face that reality if need be. She was secretly hoping to get to know him a little better first. She whispered a prayer for strength inside her head and stared out the window seeing nothing for a while.

  The newly married couple sat quietly for nearly an hour watching the train leave the station and then the city rushing by. Andrew rang the bell and within a moment he ordered tea.

  The tea was served a few minutes later and Corinne desperately searched her mind for something to discuss with Andrew. The landscape out the window was unremarkable and with their own private car, they were not able to see the other passengers. Corinne absently wondered if reading a book during tea was rude. Her manners finally kicked in and she did what had to be done. She stopped avoiding her husband and thought of a question to ask.

  "Andrew, I was wondering if you have any hobbies." Corinne sipped her tea and put on her bravest smile. It sounded silly to her once it was said but there was no taking it back. She just tilted her head and looked him in the eye.

  Andrew met her gaze and smiled. "Well, I do believe college was my hobby I suppose." He laughed and his green eyes looked bright for a second. "I still feel a little strange after three months to be actually finished. Six years of my life was spent at Harvard." He paused and stopped smiling. "Well child, I suppose you can't understand. Six years ago you were eleven." He took a sip of tea himself and reached for a pastry.

  Corinne blinked... wondering what happened. She tried again. "Do you plan on opening a vet clinic in Oregon City?" Corinne felt good for making a second effort toward conversation.

  "I will help your father with his breeding stock and perhaps head to California to see what the competition is up too. I know you have your 'prodigal daughter' plans but some of us have to work. I may or may not settle in Oregon at all."

  She had to work hard at not rolling her eyes. She felt like a stranger was scolding her and she was trying not to resent it. He wasn’t playing nice. She thought.

  "I want you to be clear on my intentions. I have married you as a favor to your Father. His influence over my getting into Harvard was the best gift anyone ever gave me. I will gladly help you re-unite with him in Oregon, but,” He took a breath. “I will be getting an annulment when we arrive. I have no intentions of us being in a marriage in any other way than in name only. I have no need for marriage now in my life. I do not mean to be impertinent." Halfway through the speech he stopped looking at her, opened a newspaper, and began idly flipping through pages.

  An annulment… Corinne’s mind was jumbled with the implications. No long-term plan, no stuck in a loveless marriage. She was trying to keep her face impassive but she wanted to cheer. She almost laughed.

  She found Andrew was staring at her trying to gauge her reaction. He seemed so grumpy. Perhaps he wanted a response.

  “I understand, once we are across you will file for an annulment.” Corinne stated simply, hoping her voice wouldn’t crack.

  “Good girl.” Andrew said and continued reading his paper.

  Corinne realized just then she couldn’t be insecure with this man or he would run over her. He was a General, too. As my mother would say...Out of the frying pan then eaten by the dog!

  * * * * *

  In the next room Angela was busily preparing the sleeping car. It had two beds and would be her and Corinne's quarters for two weeks. Angela would find out whether Corinne preferred the top bunk or bottom bunk. Angela put three traveling suits in the tiny wardrobe and then hung the rest of her dresses in the next car where the luggage, trunks, and supplies were stored. There were hanging racks and space for a washtub and all the cleaning supplies, Angela would need these on this trip. Traveling and keeping Corinne's clothes clean was her duty. She did not intend to let her mistress be shamed in front of her new husband.

  Chapter Two

  February 23 1848

  "I want to see the complete inventory of Corinne's bags this instant." Andrew's young stern voice pierced through the tired haze in Angela's skull. Too many long days and late nights had her exhausted beyond bearing. Her body at that point seemed to have shut down.

  She spent the first day aboard the train in the storage car making sure Corinne's things were accounted for and easy to get to. As dusk approached Corinne sent for her and they got ready for bed. At ten p.m. Corinne headed to bed but there was a knock at the door. Angela grabbed a robe and cracked the door open a sliver.

  "Why are you dressed in your night clothes?" Andrew's harsh whisper dashed Angela's hopes of rest. Angela muttered an apology and closed the door. She went back into her work clothes and ready for duty by 10:05 p.m.

  His demand for the inventory list was easy to fulfill but when he wanted to go over her expected duties she cringed. Andrew did not share Corinne's idea of how to treat servants. Her Aunt was hard on her servants, also. Corinne was raised to treat them like family. Common courtesy has no class lines in Corinne’s way of thinking.

  Angela had to awaken at five a.m. and get the coal stove hot for breakfast at eight a.m. It was a moot point that three hours was not needed to load coal in a heating stove but she was never allowed to have that opinion. Not with her new master.

  Angela spent two hours going over inventory with Reggie before retiring and woke up before the sun came up. Her stove duties were done quickly and the room felt toasty warm by ten past six a.m. She sat on the stool nearby and fell back into an exhausted sleep while holding on to a nearby railing. She felt a swift soft kick to her boot and stood to attention just in time to see her new master, Andrew Temple, had entered the dining room. Reggie stood next to her and must have been the source of the wake up kick. She looked down at her pendent watch and saw that it was seven forty.

  "You look disheveled, Ms. Fahey. I expect professionalism when working for me. I see some discipline will be in order." Andrew gave her a dismissive wave and Angela rushed to the storage room for a mirror.

  She saw a few tendrils had escaped her tight bun at the nape of her neck. It probably happened as she slept. She brushed her copper tendrils into place and used a white cap to solve the is
sue. She would wear it daily to prevent any 'discipline' from her new master. Angela prayed, asking God to give her humility and strength for the job. She was so tired she wanted to cry but she pulled her pain inward and resumed her work. Her early life of the work at the orphanage then being sold into the Boston home of Mrs. Rose Capron when she was twelve years old prepared her for the reality of her position. For the first year all her funds were sent to the orphanage. She met Corinne several weeks after joining the household. Corinne was very sad after the first month and in a hasty moment of sympathy Angela stopped her chores and gave comfort to the grieving girl. Corinne and Angela were fast friends after that. Angela was there to comfort Corinne after her regrettable decision to stay with her Aunt, when her Father went west, and Corinne was there for Angela through her trials in her Aunt’s household. They had a family member separation in common and talked often of both being reunited with family. Her own brother was in the West. Sean Fahey ran away from the work orphanage several years back and worked recently with a trapper along the Snake River. Angela daydreamed about her brother as she worked to stay awake.

  Her work kept her busy for long days but eventually the late nights did her in. Three days into the trip Angela Fahey was sick, burning with fever and a chest-rattling cough.

  * * * * *

  Corinne informed Andrew of her maid's illness. "She has a fever and she coughed all night. She is a tough girl and I am certain with a few days rest she will be fine. I told her to go back to bed." Corinne sipped her tea and a breakfast tray was handed to her.

  "I have a feeling Ms. Fahey is a worthless servant." Andrew said with certainty. "She will probably be a run-away once we land in Iowa. We should withhold pay until the trip is concluded."

  "That is possibly the most insensitive remark I have ever heard. You have no idea how hard Angela works. She is fifteen years old and has an excellent work record in my Aunt's household. She has a great mind and work ethic, and fought me like a tiger this morning when I sent her back to her bunk." Corinne huffed and puffed but could see Andrew wasn’t listening. Talking to him was useless.

  Really, what could I possibly need so desperately over the next few days? I can dress myself. Corinne thought to herself. Well, the simpler frocks anyway.

  After sleeping for two days Angela was improved and went back to work even though the fever still persisted.

  The train moved along and the Temple car chugged on it’s way with the only joy shared being a few moments allowed behind closed doors between Corinne and Angela.

  Corinne spoke to Andrew rarely and he was happier for it. Angela obeyed her orders and almost never spoke at all to Andrew. She said 'yes sir' when appropriate but was the perfect servant, busy and quiet.

  Chapter Three

  March 29 1848

  Corinne fought off an anger headache. Her husband Andrew was being impossible. He could make any situation miserable with his glaring and shushing. 

  The coach was stuffed to capacity and instead of being able to make the situation bearable he refused to allow any talking. If some brave soul did try to speak Andrew would use his condescension to mock the person who spoke until they would be shamed into silence. 

  Corinne was trying to imagine how any person her father was acquainted with could act in such a manner. He was always the one to encourage conversation and welcome opinions of all kinds.

  She was forced with everyone else to stare out the coach's dingy windows and think. 

  Corinne pulled out her journals but her headache and the bumpy roads were making her stomach ill which made it difficult to read them, instead she stared at her mother's name on the front of the journal. 

  Lillian Harpole was printed in her mother's artistic handwriting. Corinne traced the name hundreds of times as she rolled along in the silence of the smelly coach. 

  Corinne could still remember her face but she was starting to forget the sound of her voice. She died only three years before and it sent Corinne's life into a new direction. 

  Her father had been devastated, naturally. His soul mate had died so suddenly, of a fever, there was nothing to be done. No doctor could be found in time. The fever took many in the town and spread until it had run it’s course.

  Corinne's father had decided only months after her death to sell out and leave. Corinne's heart broke at the thought of leaving behind her mother's home and garden. She didn't understand. How could her father want to leave it all behind?

  She lashed out in the last days, the ranch was sold and the horses were being transported, first by train, then by trail to the West.

  Corinne picked a fight and declared herself unwilling to travel with him, instead choosing to move to Boston with her wealthy Aunt. Her father only pleaded a little for her to leave with him. His heart was set on escaping the home with so many memories of his departed wife.

  Her mood was slipping into melancholy as the miles passed and she spent time praying for her to be able to move past her regrets.

  * * * * *

  "How mighty and beautiful!" Corinne said to herself. She was in awe of the Missouri river. It’s wide birth seemed so much larger than any five rivers combined. The month of travel hadn’t been easy and with very little conversation. The train had been dull and comfortable but the stagecoach in Iowa was brutal. Andrew procured a private coach but in the end they had to use the regularly scheduled coach due to a sick driver. Two young men shared the coach with Andrew, Corinne, Angela and Reggie. The smell of the young men was enough to make anyone want to walk rather than ride the rest of the journey. Corinne told Angela that they should be prepared for the jostling of the wagon from the carriage ride but Andrew hushed her with a glare. Corinne figured out why Andrew's servant Reggie was nearly a mute... It was a survival instinct.

  She spent most of her journey reading her journals of botany whenever possible. Her mother, Lillian, began her interest in herbs and how to get the medicinal oils from them. Corinne spent many years of her childhood learning the scents and uses of many common plants in Kentucky and helped grow a large garden with her mother. The scent of lavender still made Corinne remember how much she missed her.

  Corinne stood on the ticket platform on the dock and waited patiently for Andrew to tell her where she was needed. She avoided speaking to him as much as she could to keep him from using his 'insult me with a friendly voice' trick. She would have plenty of opportunities to get to know him better on the trail. She was hoping he improved on further acquaintance. She bit back any sarcastic thoughts that doubted he had any positive attributes.

  St. Louis was a bustling city. Corinne felt a bit like she had in Boston, overwhelmed and missing the smell of sweet grass and watching the rolling prairie. Oh why did I ever leave my Father? Corinne tried not to beat herself up every day for her mistakes but the city reminded her of what she had lost.

  * * * * *

  "Are you daydreaming Corinne?" Andrew grabbed her arm and made her jump.

  "Why yes, just missing Kentucky a little. I am not a city girl." Corinne was startled but being honest with him had felt natural. She prepared for a snide remark.

  "I guess I knew you grew up in Kentucky on your father's ranch but I lost sight of that after seeing you in Boston. Your clothes and manners were pure Boston society." Andrew had a confidence that intimidated her but he was being nice, at least.

  "Yes, my Aunt was a powerful influence over me in Boston. She had high expectations concerning my every move. Secretly I called her The General." Corinne grinned at her own joke and was shocked when Andrew laughed. It was a nice sound.

  "I had an Aunt like that growing up. She scared me to death." He chuckled again and looked at Corinne warmly. His laugh worked in allowing her to relax. She felt they had crossed a threshold.

  "Well Corinne, I can't take you back to Kentucky but I can take you on a ferry boat ride." His charm was a delicious change. She latched onto his arm and let herself be led away.

  The ferry was an awesome
spectacle! Corinne was positive that the massive structure would never stay above the water but it did. There were five stories, two decks and scores of people. The elegant carvings on every corner made the ferry beautiful as much as it was terrible. The paddle wheel was enormous and Corinne secretly thrilled in her anticipation of watching it forcefully push the craft through the great river.

  The baggage was handled and Andrew led Corinne to the loading dock. Andrew let out another laugh as they walked up the plank to the boat.

  "Corinne you look like a five year old child at Christmas. I can tell you've never been on a ferry boat." His smile was genuine but she tried to disregard the child-like reference. She swallowed her disappointment and continued her adventure with her best smile.

  * * * * *

  Corinne loved her room aboard the steamship. With its red and white calico pillows and curtains, a small vanity table and a breakfast nook, it was all southern elegance. The lace pillow shams and a small desk with stationary made her feel like it was her own little home. She could see Angela had been there and had already unpacked her belongings. She sat down in an overstuffed armchair for a few minutes. She felt free to be herself there. Her mask was slipping away. She knew she had a lot to offer but somehow she felt stunted by this marriage to a stranger. She desperately wanted to reunite with her father but the cost was wearing her down. She did not want to become a mousy anxious woman, with no opinion or abilities.

  Angela bustled in carrying a hatbox and two bags hanging off her shoulders. Corinne jumped to her feet, grabbing the items away from her friend, and forced her to sit.

  "Oh Angela, please sit. Andrew has you running around doesn't he?" She watched Angela's sweet creamy skin relax around her eyes and Angela gave a little grin with a nod.