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  We arrived privately, and once I was out of the carriage we were separated and interviewed in our own designated area. They got the makeup and hair crews out to fuss over me and I assumed the same was happening to him. They did a brief interview and asked about how the date was going. I was pretty sure I gushed in some ridiculous girly way, most likely, embarrassing my family members. I hoped I looked appealing while doing it, at least. I was turning into a simpering idiot, but I did not care.

  I was told I would be meeting Anthony for dinner in a few minutes. I sat waiting in a chair until they were ready for me. My brain was a bit empty at this point, just trying to enjoy the day and letting all the show nonsense float away. It was just the two of us tonight. No need to worry about anything else.

  I was led through a few hallways I hadn't seen and into a large dining room with a huge roaring fire in an enormous fireplace. Long tapered candles lit the elegant room. I felt like I had time traveled. There were no modern things in this room except for the cameras, discreetly hidden in the dark corner. I knew they were there, but it was hard to see them. I decided to pretend they weren't here and just take pleasure in the surroundings.

  The table was set with delicate china and crystal goblets. 'Candles and wine and everything fine.' I could hear my mother say.

  I could not see Anthony in the room and stood still with my hands clasped in front of me, not sure what was going to happen next.

  He arrived a moment later and violin music began to play. I did not notice the musicians. My eyes focused on the handsome man in front of me. His dark slicked back hair and the smallest hint of a challenge in his smile was doing something to my stomach. I had always hated the cliché about butterflies in the stomach, but I have to admit something strange and scary was flying around in there when Anthony looked at me.

  "You kill me in that dress, Hannah." He leaned in to whisper in my ear. This was turning into one of my best days ever, right up there with getting my braces off and graduating high school.

  "Thanks, Anthony, I am enjoying the attention." I had never said his name to him and it did something to my insides when I uttered it, a flip turn and a drop.

  "Would you join me for dinner?" Anthony was using his best manners. It was captivating.

  "I would be glad to." I felt like a fool for saying what seemed so cliché for the moment but I was helpless and a bit brainless.

  The crew served us a dinner of every good thing, roast duck, a salad that could bring tears, potatoes with melted butter and garlic, so rich I would never forget the luxury of it.

  We talked about simple things, at first and then our faith. I heard about his struggles in high school and how his years in college were tough because he was so shy. He was positive he would never find the right girl after he had been on the show once before and now he had all the hope in the world. He gave me a wink when he said that, making me blush.

  “When you wink at me sir, it completely disillusions any thoughts of you and shy being in the same sentence.” I said, with a red face and an attempt to call him out.

  “It has been your company that has helped ease my fears. I have to make sure you know that I am interested.” Anthony said, with no joking in his tone. I gave him a nod to say I believed him.

  I shared, with him, my passion for photography and all the places I had been for my work. It was such a fun conversation I really did not want it to end. I had this desperate feeling in the pit of my stomach after they cleared away the dessert plates. This would end soon. No – no - no. It was beyond the perfect date.

  "You just got a sad look, Hannah." Anthony pulled a playful frown.

  "I just realized the date will end soon." I deepened my own pout a little then smiled.

  "Well, it isn’t done yet. Let’s find something to do to pass a little more time."

  He got up and led me out my chair and through another hallway. The music I heard over a speaker was now sounding again and we walked into a ballroom where a string section was playing classical music.

  Like any good fairytale, the prince asked for a dance and he whisked me away into a waltz. I was very thankful I never once stepped on his feet. The cologne he was wearing was delightful and went straight to my head.

  After dancing and talking for a while longer it was time to say goodnight. The end of the date kiss was a little more intense than I expected. I was in serious heart trouble now.

  * * * * *

  The next morning I woke up with Janette sitting next to my bed. It looked like she was waiting for me.

  "What time is it?" I asked, a little groggily. I felt my feet aching from my long night in tall heels.

  “9:30, I brought you a bowl of fruit but I let you sleep in. The wait is killing me. By the time you were out of the dress, interviewed and showered you were understandably exhausted. You went to bed without spilling any dirt about the date. I will try and forgive you now as you eat fruit and spill your guts.” Janette gave me a pixie grin and handed me a small fruit bowl.

  I laughed and ate a few grapes as she watched me expectantly.

  “Well…” I paused for affect.

  Janette sighed, a bit exasperated. It made me laugh again.

  “I am in trouble.” I grinned and ate a few more bites before I opened the floodgates and told her every detail. We sighed and gushed together over all the sweet things he said, and about all the show in-and outs so she knew what to expect on her own date. We decided to go swimming after our talk to get some exercise. A group of girls gathered to find out how the date went. I kept it simple, describing the places we went, the scenery, and show stuff. I kept the conversations between Anthony and I private, though. Telling Janette was one thing, telling everyone else was a whole other matter; some girls would twist my words into something negative. I have to remember, these girls are not my friends.

  A big group date was scheduled that day and ten girls would be joining Anthony for the evening. I was happy inside knowing he didn’t have a one-on-one date. The thought of sharing him at all was strange. I prayed a few times that evening about how to handle this. I was starting to feel involved with him. I didn’t own him, but the thought had a little merit.

  * * * * *

  The next day I heard through the grapevine that another girl got a date alone with Anthony, Danielle, the negative Nelly. I wasn’t too worried because so far she had a very bad attitude whenever she opened her mouth. She was rather pretty and had an athletic build. In my label game, she was one of the “sporty” girls. The sporty girls did tend to stick together. They were less interested in the gossip usually but were still very competitive. If they did start anything it was usually aimed at the competition. Danielle and Desiree, aka Slinky, were like battering rams whenever they were in the same room. So far I had avoided them both while in Scotland but I had no illusions that we could avoid each other forever. I have watched the show. I know that some group activities that were planned usually included a lot of drama to keep the show alive.

  * * * * *

  Heidi Gold woke me the next day to announce the date-card ceremony was to be held after breakfast. I always thought that it was done at night but my guesses meant nothing here. I checked my clock and it was 6 a.m. Blah.

  I was in a makeup chair a few minutes later while Heidi showed me dress choices.

  “It feels really strange putting on an evening gown at six in the morning.” I said to anyone paying attention. My makeup artist nodded but I felt a little lost for a moment. I missed my friend Allison, suddenly. The things you take for granted when you leave everyone and everything behind for a time. The simple pleasure of having someone laugh at your absurd thoughts and ramblings was something I had taken for granted. Another thing to add to the -Cons- side of the list for the Soulmate show, I thought to myself.

  I would have to call her after the date card thing.

  The thought passed through my morning fog. Perhaps I will not get a date card. My inner self felt insecure today. There are no guarantees. Wha
t a horrible thought, I pondered.

  My long brown hair was straightened and left to flow down my back. I was happy for the simple do, my poor scalp had been tortured by pins lately from all the up-hairdos. The makeup was cute and the simple black dress felt soft and comfortable after the corsets and such from the last date. I went with simpler heels to give my feet a break, too. My guess was that Anthony was not going dump me if I didn’t show up in stilts. He did not seem to be that kind of guy.

  I can hope anyway. I muttered to myself, I still felt a bit raw and vulnerable. Probably the come down after such an amazing date, the thud was watching him date other people, I reasoned.

  The date card ceremony went smoothly and I received one that said I had a group date. I was a little disappointed but I would not pout, well I would try not to. I said goodbye to three girls who were let go. One girl seemed quite devastated and was hiccupping, as I hugged her. I gave her a smile, a shoulder pat and tried to say something comforting. I wondered at how she could be so upset. Was she upset about Anthony or just love in general?

  The group of Soulmate single ladies was down to seventeen now. The few seconds I spent with Anthony was short and sweet. He made eye contact and I got an attractive smile. The rumblings throughout the day, as we packed, were that Desiree was the single solo date for this next trip. He has kept all the girls that have had a single date with him, so far.

  Our assistants beckoned and the herd of high heels and hair were rounded up and updated. We learned we were flying out shortly and we all wanted to be ready for anything.

  Chapter 6

  We landed at Kilikaro Resort in Brazil to tropical temperatures and jet lag. I was not even sure exactly where we were beyond the name of the resort. The show really knew how to keep us in the dark. They kept us blinded by gift bags and designer sunglasses as we arrived; we were too busy listening to the giggles and shrieks of the excitable gals. All Janette and I wanted to do was escape the noise. The ride on the plane had been long and taxing, some people needed to learn to speak with their indoor voices.

  Janette and I crashed and played lets-hide-from-everyone for that first day. It was a good game for catching up on sleep and finding a moment or two of peace. It was beginning to feel like our routine for surviving the show. * * * * *

  The warm sun was an insult to my hot skin as I stepped off the bus into the sizzling sand, coming from a group date that had happened near the resort grounds. The walk from the beach was a long one as I pondered the mess that had just happened.

  After waiting for two days for my group date I had to spend the most of it with eight other girls. As a group we did a few artsy projects and I had a mild sort of fun while doing it, but everyone had their own agenda, to spend time with Anthony. Because I already had an individual date with him, every time I tried to talk with him we were interrupted, most of the time it was rudely done.

  I tried to keep my composure after being interrupted, usually it involved praying. I tried to imagine how Anthony would see me if I tackled the next girl in some kind of girl-like ninja, hair-pulling style warfare that we girls are born knowing how to do. Not that I have ever been in a fight in my life, but I could imagine it after being interrupted repeatedly.

  The best moment Anthony and I shared all day was when I held his hand for a half a minute. He sat next to me and said four words before another girl came and took away our private moment.

  He said to me, "Hannah I had so..."

  I loved how he said my name while holding my hand, but that was not much to build a hope on for a whole

  week. I spent six hours in the hot sun with eight girls to get twenty seconds of time with my potential boyfriend. I felt my annoyance meter starting to percolate.

  I always had a slow to anger personality but perhaps this show would put that to the test. I seriously needed to journal, pray or something. My head was hot, my nerves were frazzled and I felt dehydrated. Today felt like an enormous waste of time.

  Tomorrow was another group event and all I could think of was ibuprofen and an enormous glass of ice water.

  As I strolled through the sand, near the resort, I saw the remaining girls killing time in some of the many amenities of the place. There were plenty of outdoor and indoor activities. The cool blue-stone pavers felt good on my bare toes as I reached the veranda. The beige accents created a peaceful haven. I had to admit this resort was one of the most beautiful and peaceful places I had ever seen.

  There was soft cultural music playing nearby, the sound drifting on the breeze. I wondered if the resort hired musicians to just play all day to create the environment. It was working on my nerves; I made it to my suite and ordered my water and a light snack, grabbed my carryon and dug through until I found my headache pills. I sat on my bed and stared out the sliding glass door that faced the ocean. The waves coming in and out had me mesmerized for a few minutes.

  What in the world am I doing? What makes me so special that this isn't gonna be some colossal waste of energy? All these girls are so beautiful and a few are very aggressive. I am not sure how anyone can get enough attention to make this worthwhile. Normally, I talked myself through things but I had lost my perspective.

  "Come in." I said, breaking the static noise in my head, hearing a polite knock on the door.

  The woman brought me a tray with water, fresh fruit, and an envelope. I ignored it for a minute, took my ibuprofen, and ate the fruit, while I tried to go back into my ocean-watching trance.

  I stayed that way until I remembered the envelope. I ripped it open slowly along the edges, the white card was blank but inside it simply stated.

  Hannah, please come to room 32.

  It was hand written. I wondered who sent it. The only people, that I knew at the resort were part of the show.

  I figured it was another interview so I touched up my melted off makeup and put on a little mascara and lip gloss. It only took a minute to find room 32; I didn’t see anyone around so I knocked.

  I could not have been more surprised. Anthony, grinning and laughing, quickly grabbed me and dragged me through the door, in a split second. Before saying a word he plastered me with a kiss and shot down every objection I had for the day.

  He broke the embrace and gently pushed me away after thirty seconds of bliss.

  "That was what I have wanted to do every day since Scotland. I miss you already, is that bad?" He asked and grinned like a naughty schoolboy.

  I gulped, a little shocked and affected by the kiss. "It's not... a bad thing." I stammered a bit idiotically.

  "I have no desire to ruin your reputation, but I have to say something before you leave. I really like you, Hannah." He kissed me again, briefly, sincere and sweetly.

  "Well Anthony, I like you, too. You are going to be the death of me." I said.

  Why do all my words sound so lame to me? I wondered.

  “I want to spend more time with you, but the limitations of the show sometimes make it impossible. I would like to write to you, and give you the ability to write to me. You can send any mail to family from the front desk. If you label any letters for a T. Brown it will come to me. My mother’s maiden name is Brown and you can call me Tony, when it’s just you and me. I hope you still want to be here because I want to get to know you better.” He handed me another envelope and smiled boyishly, again.

  “I love that plan, and I definitely want to be here. It was hard today sharing you with so many beautiful girls, but knowing I can write to you makes me feel very special.” I sounded a bit better now. It’s time to get out of here before I blow it.

  “You can read that later. I just initialed it T.B.” He seemed a bit nervous. It was endearing. In that split second I saw him as a more than the cute guy, someone also looking for love. It was a shock to me. I only thought about myself this whole time. Suddenly he was here and vulnerable too, trying to make a connection.

  “Thanks Tony.” I said, and reached my arms around his shoulders and gave him a simple hug. It felt like
the right thing to do, a genuine embrace. He held me for a minute and I could feel his heart beating, one hand slid up and he stroked my hair for a moment. I think that was when I lost a part of my heart.

  A minute later I was floating down the hallway, lost in the feelings of euphoria. When I reached the suite I just opened my sliding door, sat on a teak chair, and listened as the soft ocean breeze whispered to me. I stayed that way for a while then opened the envelope to get gushier when I read his simple words to me. ME, Hannah Parker…

  Sweet Hannah,

  Your dark eyes have me enchanted. I was so worried before this started that the girls were only interested in being on TV and that I would lay my heart bare and there would be only a show, and nothing more. Now I know that God can do anything, even get a girl like you, with beauty, poise and integrity to meet me here on a silly reality TV show, to do this journey with me.

  I cannot wait to get to know you better. Feel free to write me back. Tell me all about your family and anything you want to talk about. Ask me anything too.

  T.B.

  * * * * *

  The weather was so mild and breezy this morning, as I joined the full group of girls on the beach. The show’s group activities were always interesting. Sometimes it was something creative, sometimes a contest to win dates, sometimes a random name was called to enjoy a dinner or lunch date with the bachelor or bachelorette of the show. We gathered together and the girls chattered companionably. All-in-all, we started getting along better, or at least, faking it for the cameras. I heard a few complaints about some shrewish behavior when the cameras were gone but certain girls were known to be that way, whether at home or on a TV show. We all knew how to do drama when push came to shove, especially when there was a man involved.